Berlin is Uber Cool

Bright city lights. Bicycles. Grafitti. Skyscrapers and modern architecture intertwined with Old Europe. Currywursts on the go. There's no mistaking where you are.

You're in Berlin.

Where else would you be....?

The Fernsehtrum Sphere sticks out like a sore thumb, an obvious '80s relic that was a shining declaration of the all mighty glory of communist East Germany, (all of this made possible with the help of Swedish engineers, of course). On every busy street corner, the Ampelmannchen is there to guide pedestrians (and more importantly die Kinder,) to cross roads safely.

With its fushion mozzarella and sesame seed sushi and exceedingly well brewed coffee, Berlin is not a city representative of Germany, but a representation of a big city influenced by Germany. Wherever you look, Berlin is just super arty, super cosmopolitan, super quirky and uber cool. If you do not like gritty and edgy, may I suggest that you take the next SBAN out of here (incidentally always running on time like clockwork)....

As a city in the forefront of modern design, your hotel is obviously an epitome of this with its quirky rooms and its very own art gallery.



But don't get too excited and climb into your big, four poster flying grandma bed just yet -

- even in a place where arachist bars rule, there are still rules to be followed -

- particularly if you don't want to end up on the novelty segment of the local German news (right after the weather)....
Obviously some enthusiastic person got stuck at one point in time....

For those wanting a little more commerical, dodge the lurking Romanian gypsies holding scraps of paper - ("Exuse me, do you speak English?" "No."); skirt past the homeless man dressed in military uniform and a bottle of half empty whiskey shouting something in German to nobody in particular, and take a photo of one of the many bears dotted around the city.

(I believe that this one had been carrying two beers until somebody drunk decided to run off with one of his steins.)

When tired of your bear hunt, take a wander down to Checkpoint Charlie with its fake signs, fake guards and fake check point and have an overly commerical currywurst at.....Snack Point Charlie.

On the slightly less commerical side, take a moment to collect your thoughts while walking through the eerily poignant Jewish holoaust memorial, with its 2711 gunmental grey reinforced concrete stelae.

Next, in keeping with your sombre mood, it's the site of the book burnings. Incidentally, as a way of acknowledging the atrocities of past and as a sign of good will, there is now a book market here selling the very titles that were burnt during the Nazi reign.

And most importantly, right at the site of the book burnings, OH MY GOD - there's the "bank" from the ever so cool "Run Lola Run" :)

Finally, before I say auf wiedersehen and good night to Berlin & the good people who read this blog, let me answer the question that is on everybody's mind:

Yes, David Hasslehof did indeed save the world from communism, (point and click on the photo above and see for yourself). And - ja, lieben die Deutschen David Hasslehof.

Or maybe, I'm just joking :p

Turkish DEElight

Turkey. There's something absolutely magical about the place after one too many visit to Western Europe with the cathedrals & the Roman architecture. First up, it's time to soak in the flavours and the buzz of busy Istanbul while sipping a hot apple tea served in a bulbous glass. The streets are chaotic and filled with the noise of cars honking and people going about their weekend business. Everywhere you turn, there's interesting things to see - street vendors hawking roasted corn and chestnuts, carts filled with petzel-like baked good. Cobblers polishing shoes, "fortune telling" rabbits picking out scraps of paper that beholds the prospective customer's fortune.


This is Istanbul at its best.

Check into your hotel and admire the Turkish decor which typically includes patterned tiles and wallpaper prints, a homage to the tiles in the iconic Blue Mosque. Adding character to this are the colourful mosaic glass and wrought iron lamps, dramatically suspended in great number from the high ceilings above.

Be warned - a well maintained front reception may not necessary mean a well maintained hotel room. You may find yourself with plaster falling onto your head while brushing your teeth one morning. Like how three stars in Europe is not the equivalent of three stars in Asia, three stars in Turkey takes on a whole different meaning altogether.

Don't linger too long at the hotel - there's just too many fascinating things to see! Lunch on freshly made hummus, warm pita bread and tender pieces of lamb and yoghurt, served by overly attentive male waiters.

Make your polite escape and linger past the shop windows filled with tantilising sweets and desserts. There's smooth rice custard glazed with crunchy caramalised sugar to try, the smells of baked honey pistachios and almonds to breathe in. Dispell any misconceptions about Turkish delight; this is not most commonly rose water flavoured but hazelnut or pistachio, and more soft and chewy rather than gelatine in texture. Served with a generous dusting of icing sugar, it has no relation to the Cadbury chocolate version, and is much, much more delicious.....

Another typical of Turkish desserts that comes into mind is baklava; the flaky, sticky honey and crushed almond pastry made to compliment the strong, bitter Turkish coffee. Pass on this and instead, try something a little different, like the Turkish rolls with a variety of fillings from chocolate to apple. The texture is soft and squashy like marshmallows, the flavour is sugary and milky. There's also Halva to try, made from sesame paste (tahini), sugar and honey. Mmmm. Bliss.

With your belly more than a little too full, head over to the Spice Market and elbow your way through the crowds of people haggling over the price of colourful spices, dried dates and fruit teas.

The Turkish men are all smiles and have yet to learn the Western ways of checking out women without appearing lecherous, which means plenty of open stares in the general direction of your rear end and chest (provided that you have something worthy of looking at). In a modern, muslim country where public affection is taboo, where wearing clothing above your elbows and knees is considered risque, the most innocuous of things are strangely sexualised.

(Below: "We have rock formations that look like people wearing hats," says our tour guide.
Me: "Er......Don't you mean penises?")

It is the old timers who have mastered the art of "show and grope", using the guise of the "let me show my wares" as an opportunity to grope at unsuspecting tourists, while their sweet, demure wives turn a blind eye to their husbands' little indiscretions. Pause a little too long at any one stall, and you will find yourself being guided (very firmly) by the hand of a stall owner; a hand that appears to be sliding dangerously from the small of your back towards your arse, and another hand that appears to be almost....stroking? CARRESSING your arm?!?!! And why is he standing directly behind you trying to hump and spoon you?!!? Blink, and you'd find yourself being forced to try on a shoe and yet another opportunity for them to touch another region of your body.

"Stop taking my f-ing photo and come and help get this guy off me,"

At the end of the day, if you do feel violated, I supose you could always go to the police.....

Oh. Perhaps that's for the naughty tourists and not the other way around.

Say goodbye to Istanbul in the early hours of the morning and catch a ride to work the Turkish way:

"I'll meet you on the highway between lampost #7259nq and tree #02885d."

Touring around Turkey means covering great distances on a coach and an obligatory trip to Gallipoli to pay our respects as Australians and New Zealanders.

After all, everybody on the tour is either Kiwi or Aussie and why wouldn't they be?

"The English, Irish and Scottish wouldn't tolerate sitting on a coach for long hours. They're all on the coast drinking and lying in the sun," says your tour guide.

And becoming a nice lobster shade of red.

Away from the hustle and bustle of Istanbul, the crowds dissipate, the sky is that little bit clearer, the markets are more rustic, and the camels are always grumpy and spitting.

(Above: Mehmet, our bus driver strikes a pose with one lucky lady.)
Incidentally, Mehmet is the most popular boy's name in Turkey, and Mehmet is everywhere.....

So where abouts are we now....? Oh. We must be somewhere near Troy.

(You know you're in Troy....when there's an Indian man selling cotton candy from a horse shaped cart.)

Next on the list are the ruins of Turkey. The replica of the Trojan horse doesn't act to give Helen of Troy any credibility. A wooden horse with a house on top of it? Noooo.....Surely there can't people inside this thing.

In Ephesus & Pergamum, our tour guide declares, "Most of these ruins are fake. The originals are all in Berlin & Vienna."

What....? Fake you say? Hmmm... Kinda like the watches, huh?

A Kiwi girl who has been snapping photos at a frantic rate pauses with index finger on camera shutter, frowns, and then puts her camera away.

Genuine fake watches, geniune fake ruins, and the next pit stop, a petrol station zoo....?

It's one very small, sad zoo filled with caged chicken, foxes, a pony, zebra & camel. PETA's having a coronary right now. The quadruple by-pass kind. Where on earth did they find all these animals....? Did these animals so happen to wander across the grounds of the petrol station (and end up being made a part of the zoo), or are these remnants of abandoned Ramadan presents?


Genuine fake ruins and petrol station zoo aside, continue driving and become immerse in Turkey's stunningly beautiful natural landscape. Welcome to the white cliffs of Pamukkale and the fascinating caves of Cappodocia.

With such stunning scenery, how can you saw no to an early morning hot air balloon ride?

4 star hotel in Turkey, 50 pounds.
Fluffy scramble eggs for breakfast, 5 Lira.
Hot air balloon ride, $210AUS.
Seeing countless colourful balloons in the sky: Priceless.

For everything else, there's Mastercard.

And it's up, up and away!!!

And before you know it, you're back on the ground for a glass of celebratory champagne....

After ten days of early morning starts, long coach journeys, and lamb and yoghurt for almost every meal, you start to crave for that fillet o' fish.....

Unfortunately, there's none. But a cheeseburger will do. And ever wonder what they did with those styrofoam containers from back in the '80s? Why, they carted them all to Turkey, of course..... It's like vintage McDonald's.....