UK's Celebri-Who...?

UK seems to have an abundance of D grade celebrities and WAG's - (Wives and Girlfriends of footballers) who become multi-millionaires out of doing nothing aside from the usual:

1) Flashing their nether regions when getting (ie: falling) out of cars drunk (and usually not wearing underwear).
2) Wearing as little as possible - hence, the "not usually wearing underwear" bit.
3) Getting plastic surgery
4) Doing basically..... Nothing.
5) "Accidentally" releasing a sex tape

It's quite clever when you think about it. I wish I could be a multi-millionaire for doing absolutely nothing, but then I'd rather not flash my nether regions publicly to the whole world. (For one, my family would disown me for that.) Obviously no. 1 is pretty tame in comparison to no. 5 but hey, my family's quite conservative.

Jade Goody
The Big Brother contestants overhere in the UK somehow managed to become multi-millionaires usually for.....I'm not entirely sure what. The picture below begs the question, "would you seriously buy a Jade Goody perfume.....?"

Myleene Klass


Apparently her claim to fame was being in some being in a fabricated pop band that had one hit single (obviously in the UK only), but nobody can actually tell me the name of the band. Or the single. (I get the feeling that her boobs are more famous than her.) I suppose the Australian equivalent would be Sophie Munk.

Jordan (aka Katie Price)


This one is definitely known for her (artificial) boobs. I actually like her because she's prevented Peter Andre from ever coming back to Australia by:
a) marrying him and then
b) moving over to L.A. (Hooray!)
The photos of her wedding really goes to show that money really can't buy class. Apparently their wedding cake was the shape of her boobs and she came in a plastic bubble cinderella carriage. Even though she's moved continents, her Great Britannia roots means that the UK will always be stuck with Peter Andre. Hahahahah.....

Lily Allen
They call her the "Queen of Chav" (aka she would be a Kim from "Kath and Kim" if this was Oz).

She's apparently a singer and has a famous father called Keith. She's started the trend of wearing 80's looking prom dressers with sneakers and baseball caps (*deep breath* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) and actually designed a fashion collection for a chain store called "New Look" (Aussie equivalent of Supre - but even cheaper if that's possible). Silly English people are apparently copying the dress + joggers look. (The fools.)

Coleen Mcloughlin
Clothes Horse perma-tan WAG of Wayne Rooney (footballer)

She's supposedly only 21, but she looks more like 30 to me. She has already written her memoirs but I'm not entirely sure how she could have filled a whole book's worth so I'm assuming that her biography must be a picture book about clothes.

Amy Winehouse (aka "Wino")
This chick is actually a real singer, but I've put her here as she reminds me of Frankenstein's Bride.

Like all true British chicks, she really loves her alcohol and has thrown up on stage while performing at live gigs (charming) and has been caught out pulling out of gigs citing illness, only to be snapped buying alcohol at her local bottle shop. (She also sounds like a man when she sings.) Strangely enough, I haven't seen any other English girl copy her beehive look - they seem to be foregoing this for the Posh spice bob instead. Har har.

Pixie and Tinkerbell Geldof
Oops, sorry. I meant Pixie and Peaches. Tinkerbell was the name of my kitty. (Well, her name even wasn't quite that - it was just plain ol' Tink.)

I am assuming that the blonde chick must be Tinkerbell but I can't be sure. I'm just going to assume that she is as the Geldof girls tend to go out together. They claim to fame is their famous dad Bob Geldof, but I'm not entirely sure what he use to do. I think he was a singer, but I'm not familiar with any of his songs. The English like that messy just out of bed dirty rocker look.

Peter Doherty
Why is this junkie even listed as the "3rd sexiest man" in the UK? The only conclusion that I can come to is that there must be something wrong with the gene pool over here if this freak can be considered attractive. I guess if the "heroin chick" look was popular back in the 90's, this would be the male version of that.

There are British guys who seriously try to emulate this look with the Trilby hat which Pete quite often fondly wears. Ew. This is the reason why I haven't picked up in the UK. Not that I would anyway..... I'm just saying, okay? :p

The Shirt That Would Probably Get Me Fired

If I wore this t-shirt and underwear to work, I'd probably get fired for the t-shirt and not for the rocking up in panties.

Heh, this shirt is so hilariously un-PC that I had to buy it! (Politically correct R. asked me what the pple on the short bus would think about this shirt - as if they would understand! :p) Since when did the word "special" become not special any more...?

London is Crap

£400,000 later, this is the official London 2012 Olympic Logo.

Craptaculous!

I personally prefer Johnny Clark's 30sec Microsoft Paint Version. (Obviously the one on the right.) How very clever.

Seeing that I get taxed about £300 per wk, I want my tax money back.

The Beautiful Greek Island of Santorini

*Sigh* Santorini really is as pretty as the postcards. It became one of my "goal destinations" back when I saw a calendar photograph of the place pinned up on the office wall in 2005 - an ex-colleague had gone there. It's really the place to go to:
1) Lounge in your bikini all day
2) Sit on the beach in one of the many lifestyle type wicker lounge chairs/seats sipping cocktails.
3) Catch up on your reading

Beach Accessories: Navel piercings, tramp stamps and cellulite. (You know, as silly as it sounds, I never realised that almost all women have cellulite until I came to Europe. Everybody had my local beach (Cottesloe) always seemed to have perfect tanned, toned beach bodies.)

Common Misconception:

• Just because the island is made up of volcanic black sand (beautifully different from your usual stereotypical white beach island holiday in my opinion,) does not mean that the sand is "dirty". It's like assuming that black pple must be "dirty" just because they are black. :p (But seriously, if you see fish swimming when you're only about knee deep in the ocean, you have to assume that water has to be quite clean.

Most Common Hue: Aside from the black sand and clear blue sea, it was the colour of peeling lobster red Europeans and Americans. (Apparently come September, most of the Europeans are usually a scary of orange from layer upon layer of summer tan and sunburn.)
Most Common Tourist to be Seen: Middle aged couples and young families. (Obviously there were the young ones around - hence the comment about the tramp stamps and piercings, but I think as Santorini is the most expensive of the Greek islands, most of the youngies tend to stay on some of the other islands such as Corfu and Mykonos. There was definitely a lack of young people after sunset at the beach where we had managed to score a beach front hotel after the stupid travel agent booked us into a hotel that was already fully booked.) And why were there so many Americans, I don't know. It's not as if Santorini is a short flight away for them....?

Highlights of the Trip: Jumping off a boat into the sea to swim into the hot springs. A definite surreal moment.

Architecture: There's just something so charming about the white washed houses with blue trimmings - all built on top of the caldera.....

(Above: Scenes from the town of Oia.)

R. complained that I took way too many photos, but if you have a look at these, can you really blame me....?

(Below: Fira by day and night.)

(Concentration) Camping in Gloucestershire

Yes, EVERYBODY has already asked me the, "Are you fricking CRAZY?! YOU......CAMPING......?!?" (Even L. who's only known me since Feb this yr couldn't quite "imagine me camping". Why, I don't know.... Perhaps possessing a pair of Jimmy Choo's doesn't quite help with convincing pple that I'm the "campy" sort. (Not that I am....) Well, here are the photos to prove it.

The tent was ₤13.50 (courtesy of Argos) - worth its weight in gold as it didn't blow away or leak when the (close to) gale force winds and heavy rain started in the early hours of Sunday morning.

(Fine, I didn't actually set up the tent myself, but isn't that what male species is for? That and opening jar lids and squashing insects :p)

Sadly, the smartest thing I've done so far this year is to have worn these wellies camping. Unfortunately all the other dumb things I've done this year cancels this one smart thing out. Still working on doing some more extremely intelligent things this year.... (I'm extremely surprised that none of the other English pple thought of doing the same - the wellies i mean :p) 24 hours of unrelenting rain equaled muddy "ponds" of knee high mud when trekking up the hill to the cheese rolling. (And no, my boots are NOT fluro orange, they are red!)

Funniest One Liner: Courtesy of L. - "I totally understand if you want to cut all ties with us after this weekend." (That being said as we dismantled our tents in the pouring rain. After all the insistance from pple saying that they were going to camp the whole entire weekend, we were down from 16 to 8 by Sunday morning.)

Charity Award goes to A's parents for putting up with 8 cold, muddy and grumpy refuges. Knowing English people is useful after all :p I never have I been so appreciative of a bed!
Do I Really Look that Bad....? I bought sandwiches at a petrol kiosk only to have the guy at the counter ask me if "I was okay". (I must have obviously looked extremely dishevelled....)
Stupid Award goes to the girls who wore ballet style slippers to the cheese rolling. Mud galore.....

Cheese Roll Summary:
"Twenty young men chase a cheese off a cliff and tumble 200 yards to the bottom, where they are scraped up by paramedics and packed off to hospital". (Courtesy of Wikipedia)

The picture says it all.

Somehow it doesn't surprise me that they only have one women's race and multiple races for the men.... Apparently people have died doing this. The hill looks like an advance level ski slope (minus the snow). Heh, does it also not surprise anybody that the people who came a place in the races were mainly Aussie or Kiwi? :p I spied quite a number of Aussie guys running down wearing nothing apart from their underwear and an Australian flag worn as a cape. Brave being only around 7C.

Spot the Imposter:

(A. reunited with his fellow cow friends)

If the Japanese can't tell the difference between a sheep and a poodle (as per the recent news in Australia), I doubt that they would be able to tell which is the imposter "cow".)

Next English Event....? Apparently in Exeter they line a large barrel with tar, set it alight and then go running around the village. (Why......?)