UK's Celebri-Who...?

UK seems to have an abundance of D grade celebrities and WAG's - (Wives and Girlfriends of footballers) who become multi-millionaires out of doing nothing aside from the usual:

1) Flashing their nether regions when getting (ie: falling) out of cars drunk (and usually not wearing underwear).
2) Wearing as little as possible - hence, the "not usually wearing underwear" bit.
3) Getting plastic surgery
4) Doing basically..... Nothing.
5) "Accidentally" releasing a sex tape

It's quite clever when you think about it. I wish I could be a multi-millionaire for doing absolutely nothing, but then I'd rather not flash my nether regions publicly to the whole world. (For one, my family would disown me for that.) Obviously no. 1 is pretty tame in comparison to no. 5 but hey, my family's quite conservative.

Jade Goody
The Big Brother contestants overhere in the UK somehow managed to become multi-millionaires usually for.....I'm not entirely sure what. The picture below begs the question, "would you seriously buy a Jade Goody perfume.....?"

Myleene Klass


Apparently her claim to fame was being in some being in a fabricated pop band that had one hit single (obviously in the UK only), but nobody can actually tell me the name of the band. Or the single. (I get the feeling that her boobs are more famous than her.) I suppose the Australian equivalent would be Sophie Munk.

Jordan (aka Katie Price)


This one is definitely known for her (artificial) boobs. I actually like her because she's prevented Peter Andre from ever coming back to Australia by:
a) marrying him and then
b) moving over to L.A. (Hooray!)
The photos of her wedding really goes to show that money really can't buy class. Apparently their wedding cake was the shape of her boobs and she came in a plastic bubble cinderella carriage. Even though she's moved continents, her Great Britannia roots means that the UK will always be stuck with Peter Andre. Hahahahah.....

Lily Allen
They call her the "Queen of Chav" (aka she would be a Kim from "Kath and Kim" if this was Oz).

She's apparently a singer and has a famous father called Keith. She's started the trend of wearing 80's looking prom dressers with sneakers and baseball caps (*deep breath* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) and actually designed a fashion collection for a chain store called "New Look" (Aussie equivalent of Supre - but even cheaper if that's possible). Silly English people are apparently copying the dress + joggers look. (The fools.)

Coleen Mcloughlin
Clothes Horse perma-tan WAG of Wayne Rooney (footballer)

She's supposedly only 21, but she looks more like 30 to me. She has already written her memoirs but I'm not entirely sure how she could have filled a whole book's worth so I'm assuming that her biography must be a picture book about clothes.

Amy Winehouse (aka "Wino")
This chick is actually a real singer, but I've put her here as she reminds me of Frankenstein's Bride.

Like all true British chicks, she really loves her alcohol and has thrown up on stage while performing at live gigs (charming) and has been caught out pulling out of gigs citing illness, only to be snapped buying alcohol at her local bottle shop. (She also sounds like a man when she sings.) Strangely enough, I haven't seen any other English girl copy her beehive look - they seem to be foregoing this for the Posh spice bob instead. Har har.

Pixie and Tinkerbell Geldof
Oops, sorry. I meant Pixie and Peaches. Tinkerbell was the name of my kitty. (Well, her name even wasn't quite that - it was just plain ol' Tink.)

I am assuming that the blonde chick must be Tinkerbell but I can't be sure. I'm just going to assume that she is as the Geldof girls tend to go out together. They claim to fame is their famous dad Bob Geldof, but I'm not entirely sure what he use to do. I think he was a singer, but I'm not familiar with any of his songs. The English like that messy just out of bed dirty rocker look.

Peter Doherty
Why is this junkie even listed as the "3rd sexiest man" in the UK? The only conclusion that I can come to is that there must be something wrong with the gene pool over here if this freak can be considered attractive. I guess if the "heroin chick" look was popular back in the 90's, this would be the male version of that.

There are British guys who seriously try to emulate this look with the Trilby hat which Pete quite often fondly wears. Ew. This is the reason why I haven't picked up in the UK. Not that I would anyway..... I'm just saying, okay? :p