Top Secret Tips on how to By-pass Security in an Irish Club

1. N. asks you to go up to the DJ to request a song, presumably because she's too scared to do this herself.
2. "Are you sure he's even going to have what you want?" you ask eyeing at the DJ, who is up high on a stage with no visible stairs to the top of the platform. "He looks like he's just playing off a CD."
3. Fifteen minutes later, N. asks you to request a song again. You relent.
4. You walk up to the stage, stand next to the security guard, and pass N. your handbag.
5. You move coats and jackets (which have been dumped on the stage) aside.
6. You then move bags aside.
7. You then move half finished drinks & empty glasses aside.
   
8. You hoik yourself up onto the stage and walk up to the DJ.
9. The security guard all of a sudden realises that you're there talking to the DJ.
   
10. The DJ is in fact playing off a CD. There's no "One Night in Bangkok" in that "Best of the '80's" volume one compilation.
11. You walk to go back down off the stage. The ginger security guard says something in funny Irish talk. You giggle (as you can't understand what he's saying,) and he gives you a hand down the stage.
12. "Er, I think he was telling you that you weren't meant to be up on the stage," says N. "By the time he noticed what you were doing, you were already talking to the DJ. I told him, 'Sucked in! You're too slow!" but he couldn't understand what I was saying and kept on saying, 'HUH?!"."
13. "Oh." You say. "You mean he was the security guard? I thought he was just some random guy saying something random to me."
    
14. "Didn't you see his tag?" N. asks.

Postscript
Later at a 4am feast of duck spring rolls & fried dumplings, N. mentions that the three guys' names that night were Brian.

You look at N. skeptically. "NO...... SURELY not..... You must have misheard them. How can three guys, all friends, going out together on the same night, have the exact same name? ....I don't believe you unless they were called Patrick."