The Not So Lonely Planet: November 2010

My Island Home

Or at least, I'm going to try make it work. We'll see.

Things I always knew but never really noticed or had forgotten
1) AFL mania. Football players are not and should not be classified as gods.
2) Today Tonight - journalism at its worst. "Tragic" immigration stories on elderly Queensland farmers marrying foreign third world country brides, schools in trouble for disciplining children for using the toilet during class time, the noisy neighbour "from hell"...... Oh why, oh why, oh why....
3) The fruit and veggies are fresher, and can sometimes last more than two weeks in the fridge.
4) The Australian accent is very nasal, and people do speak as though they're asking questions all the time.
5) Reading Women's Day at the GP: Who are these people and why should we care?
6) Vodafone is a network with shit coverage, and mobile phone rates are ridiculously expensive.

She Loved Kopi & I loved Teh, And That Was the Reason We Couldn't Agree

I have to confess that I have a bit of an addiction to coffee. I never use to get headaches from drinking coffee, but since the move to UK/Ireland for the past four years (where great tea is brewed and great coffee is scarce,) I grew out of the habit of drinking it. Consequently, whenever I drink a strong cup of coffee (like the kind from Ya Kun), I inevitably get a pounding headache - the kind that doesn't go away from practically the whole day no matter how much water I drink (or what I eat).

Then I tell myself that I'm never going to drink coffee again, and tell my friends to stop me from buying coffee, but inevitably, I find myself queuing up for - yet another cup of coffee...... Then the pounding headache and heart palpitations start along with waves of guilt and remorse..... It's classic addict behaviour.

Although I do love my cappuccinos (the kind made from freshly ground beans, served up by a skillful coffee barista), there's just something about the coffee and teas in Singapore. Although the coffees are often made by using your standard Nescafe instant ground - the process of how it's made and the extras of condense milk etc makes it simply delicious...... You local kopi (coffee) or teh (tea) has Malay, Hokkein and Chinese influences - much like Singapore's multi-racial society, making the flavours unique and special. One requires a little "know how" when deciphering the local kopitiam's (coffee shop's) menu. For that, you need to know Singlish - Singapore's unofficial "language" which is unsurprisingly, a mishmash of - you've got it, English Hokkein, Malay and Chinese. Understand and learn these terms, and before long, you'll be ordering like a local. Note that these terms are universally understood - regardless of the race of the person running the store.

The default for drinks is to be sweetened (with condense milk) unless otherwise stated. General default is one teaspoon of condense milk or two white sugars if condense milk isn't used. Enjoy.

Kopi: Coffee (with condense milk)
Kopi-gua: Strongly brewed coffee ("gua" means strong in Hokkein)
Kopi-po: Weakly brewed coffee ("po" means weak in Hokkein)
Kopi-c: Coffee with evaporated milk (the "c" standard for Carnation milk which is a brand of evaporated milk) and sugar.
Kopi-c-kosong: Coffee with evaporated milk and no sugar. ("Kosong" is the Malay word for "empty")
Kopi-o-kosong: Plain black coffee
Kopi-o-kosong-gua: Strong plain black coffee
Kopi-xiu-dai: Coffee with less condense milk
Kopi-gah-dai: Coffee with extra condense milk

Add the word "bing" (which means "ice" in Mandarin) at the end of your order, and you'll get whatever you want with ice.

The same terms are interchangeably used with your tehs - eg: teh-c, Teh-o. Tehs are normally made Teh Tarik style - which translate to "pulled tea". The name is derived from the process of pulling the drink during preparation. Condense milk is added to black tea, and the mixture is poured back and forth between two vessels to help cool the drink to drinking temperature and to help mix the condense milk into the drink. There is an element of showmanship when preparing teh-tarik - the very skilfull will sometimes pull the tea above the patron's head. Teh-halia is a teh-tarik with ginger added into the mix.

Other local specialties of the non-coffee variety:

Milo Dinosaur: Warm water + milo powder + condense milk. Add ice and top off with more milo powder.

I have tried to make this at home, but it just doesn't taste the same.......
Milo T-Rex/Godzilla: cold milo topped with icecream and whipped cream.

Closetblonde goes Popin Cookin

The Japanese version of masak masak in the form of make your own sushi gummy sweets.

All the Japanese people said to just add water, but it was definitely more complicated than that.

Verdict: Sushi sweets that didn't really look like what was on the packet.

Snow Ice (and the Seven Dwarves)

Supper in Singapore, Ah Mei's cafe, Upper Bukit Timah Rd. All's lively in the kopitiams at midnight.

Snow Ice: Food craze circa 2009 from Taiwan involving finely shaved flavoured ice (mine's chocolate,) topped with chocolate syrup and sprinkles. Not too sweet which is great! Served in a large sundae glass. It looks big, but it's mainly air, but it can still be a reasonable feed for two or three! Not to be mistaken for ice karang which involves larger granules of crushed ice (along with the colourful syrup, grass jelly and beans).
Partnered with a serving of prata and chicken curry. Mmmm, mmmm....

Only in Singapore Can you Go out in a pair of Diors

.....and then end up prawning until 4am.

Except Singaporean style prawning involves going to a prawning centre with man made pools. It's undercover and there chairs to sit on, and of course, food and drink can be ordered. Rods and bait (fresh liver or live worm) is hired by the hour. (2.5 hours is priced around $29SING.) Reared fresh water prawns being thrown into the water every hour or two. Our first attempt saw us catch a miserable eight prawns between the four of us (expensive prawns at around $13 a piece if you add up all our entrance fees!) Our second attempt saw us catch a more impressive twenty-seven prawns. :)

With bbq pits available, we had the boys skewer the prawns alive, sprinkled them with salt and white pepper and then had them roasting over the hot coals.

I saw them twitching over the barbeque which was somewhat terrible. Poor prawns..... What a way to die...... They were delicious though.

On another note, we might bring along some wine and have drunken prawns next time :D

When a Gay Make Up Artist Does Your Make Up

He makes you feel inadequate.

Don't be so Koi

Koi - the latest food craze in Singapore known for it's great bubble teas (choose sugar level and bubble type ranging from tapioca bubbles, sago, custard pudding and Japanese ai-yu jelly).

They also make (Asian style) ice coffee. Wait in line to order (approximately ten minutes), only to realise that the entire square of people presumably "hanging around" by the square are also waiting for their bubble tea.

Collect your bubble tea some fifty bubble teas later. Give it a year and probably nobody will be lining up. Koi may even have gone belly up and closed by then.