"I think I was in Amsterdam...."

(Windmill at the Keukenhof Gardens)

Amsterdam is the land of the P's where tourists go to smoke pot, pick tulips, eat pancakes, party, and pick up ugly tourists and std's :p Oh, and you can't forget the prostitutes (cavorting in the window displays of the red light district) - girls, don't be offended if your boyfriend/husband/partner stares as I couldn't stop staring at times either! It's sort of like driving past a car accident - you know you shouldn't look but you feel compelled to.... (Apparently most of the prostitutes are of the he-she variety (and as life would have it, this probably means that the hottest one I saw (blonde) was likely a he. Why does it always work out that the he's are prettier than the she's? :p). I wonder if the patrons end up needing counselling or whether it is a case of, "It doesn't matter as once I close my eyes it's all the same." Yes, it's official - the Dutch are crazy. (And those live sex shows are literally well and truly live. Enough said...)

Everybody says that after awhile, all European countries start to look the same. Not Amsterdam. If you were kidnapped and plonked right in the middle of the city, you would immediately recognise where you are. if not its for the endless (and very confusing canals) or buildings that look like cardboard facades from certain angles, the smell of pot and "coffee" shops would be a dead give away.

Airport Games: "Spot the derro". (Seriously, there were so many at immigration obviously going for solely one reason.)
The Stereotypical Tourist: Are either American (the colleague keg boy kinds) or the Canadian version of the American kind. Hence the countless number of touristy steakhouses floating around the tourist trap areas. There were also plenty of (unattractive) English lads on buck's weekends etc. Oh, and the derros and hippies come closely behind.

My first experience in Amsterdam was having some idiotic English guy touch my hair at the airport -
Me: "Don't touch me."
R: "Er, don't you think you're being a bit harsh? The poor boy may have feelings you know."
Me: "Do I look as though I care?"
The Best Comment I Heard During the Trip: "Guys, it's okay to be gay but please keep your shirts on." - Comment from the dj at a bar when a group of guys started getting a tad risque with removing their clothes. I can officially say that I've never seen guys put their shirts back on so quickly!!! :p
One of the World's Universal Truth: A follow on from above: It is only the ugly guys (the ones with man boobs that are bigger than mine) that seem "strip-happy" and take off their shirts at any given opportunity.
I Stuck my Foot in It when one of the German guys told me about how he "found" (yes, I literally mean "found") his fiance.

German Dude: "I met her on the internet."
Me: "Oh."
German Dude: "I met her on one of those websites especially made for German men looking for Russian brides."
Me: "OOH."
German Dude: "So what do you think about my story?"
Me: "ERM. Ah. Um. Oh.

Five minutes later....

Me: Erm, heh heh, um... Interesting....."

(Thank goodness I didn't crack any Russian mail order bride remarks. Apparently it is a booming business this Russian mail order bride thing. European women are apparently too headstrong for guys who just want a subservient housewife.)

(Partying with the Germans - why are they so damn tall? I'm actually (sort of) wearing heels for once as well.....)

Things that I did not Hallucinate (but nobody seems to believe me)
There REALLY was a pink rabbit molesting a lion statue at 1:30am in the morning. (Obviously it was some a guy dressed in a costume left over from Easter, but why does everybody just roll their eyes and say, "Uh huh....."?