Wild in Scotland

Aphorisms from the Scottish Highlands




I have a Scottish boyfriend. He's red, hairy and horny.



(Actually, that was Heather, not Hamish..... Hamish was off shooting a movie somewhere....)




Bring a Singaporean out on a boat and she'll eat the sea.


(Mmmm, chilli crab.....)

Some people pay big money to see dolphins, others see them for free :)




Bananas and shrimps may seem like an unlikely pairing, but not in Scotland.....

The way to make a boy buy nuts is to hang them in front a picture of a blonde, busty girl in lingerie.

(Yes, it's really that simple.)

Nessie is purple and eats marmite.


You can also take her home for £6.50.

When you see a large, fluffy ginger cat, he can only be called Garfield.


You can visit the city of Perth without having to leave the UK.

Mail from London to Perth often ends up in Perth, Western Australia, and not Perth, Scotland.


The Highlands run on "Highland time". It takes forty-five minutes to heat a pie. One minute is the equivalent of ten.

The Glaswegians are known for being "passionate and hot" (ie: they will stab you,) those from Edinburgh are known to be more reserved, and the people from Inverness were voted ugliest people three times running.


I thought the landscape in Scotland would be the same as Ireland and I was wrong. It's wilder, more varied and beautiful.