The Not So Lonely Planet: April 2007

London's Biggest Water Fight!!!!

Boys and Girls - Get your Asses down to Hyde Park. What will be more fun than running around with me (in my bikini :D) and my supersoaker...

London's largest water fight @ Hyde Park

1.00pm till 1.10pm (or when the police show up which will take about 5 minutes I guess)

DATE HAS BEEN SET FOR SATURDAY 14th JULY 2007

There needs to be more than 3500 to break the world flashmobbing record so invite your friends.

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Code of Conduct:

1) This is a water fight - don't bring any other weapons apart from water pistols, WATER BOMBS ARE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN - littering is a crime and we love out planet.

2) We are not going to be your parents, nor are we going to be the police, if you see some one doing something stupid tell them to stop - if your doing something stupid - don't, your going to ruin it and this has the potential to be a massive laugh

3) Dress to impress but not like a terrorist (your going to get wet just remember - hence why its happening close to summer - its going to the the hottest ever recorded)

4) Don't terrorise the public - if they want to get involved let them . THIS IS AN OPEN INVITATION

5) Don't bring camera's. They're going to get wet and DON'T come complaining when they don't work. There will be plenty of othere people involved devoted to taking pictures. There is going to be a film made so don't sock the guys involved with that.

6) This is a LAUGH, don't take it too seriously, and don't beat each other up over it (close up shooting and all that).

7) Don't leave any mess behind!!! We come and then go (the place looks the same as it does when we came, that inlcudes plastic bottles e.t.c)

8) DON'T GET THE ARMED POLICE DEPLOYED BY BRINGING WATER PISTOLS THAT LOOK LIKE REAL GUNS!!!!!!!!!

9) Please try not to use more water than you have to - preserve your supplies...... REMEMBER there is a water ban this summer as it is possibly going to the hottest recorded and we don' wanna get the council angry.

10) If anyone asks whos organised it - we all happened to be in the same place at the same time. If you see any of the "organisers" DON'T SPEAK TO US coz we had nothing to do with it!!!!!

11) No one get naked in the fountain - you'll be arrested

12) No dyed water - it stains cloths AND it could stain the pavements..... Not good its vandalism

13) SPREAD THE WORD by clicking share!!!

14) COME AT YOUR OWN RISK - we are taking no responsibility for your actions or any accidents which you may incure during your time at Londons Largest water Fight and travelling to Londons Largest water fight. We reserve the right to cancel or postpone this event without prior notice if we feel that people are attempting to cause either of the above.

Notice:
Tv Crews and media teams will be present at this event

The Incredible Shrinking Meat

I don't know what it is with the meat in the UK, but bacon, beef and prawns do this incredible shrinking thing when they hit the pan - like the reverse of those tiny rubber toys that grow in size when you "just add water". Prawns over here - as per my cous cous and pine nut salad I took with me to Victoria Park today, are the size of two raisins :/ And I thought I had a good deal when I got a styrofoam cup worth of prawns for ₤1.50.... (Why do prawns have to have such big heads?)

Maybe that explains why the chicken from KFC is so tiny - I always assumed that they must have either been using the pigeons from Trafulgar Square or rats :p~

My Jimmy Choos

Places so far worn to: None. (Unless you count the times standing in the bedroom.)
Number of times needed to be worn for the shoes to be worth $1 for each wear: erm, probably 1000 times give or take a few...... (and no, im not that stupid to pay that much for a pair of shoes!)
Normal etiquette while wearing such lady-like shoes: Expect to be kicked/pushed/wacked with handbag until you keep your clumsy feet away from my "precious" - which means a respectable one metre radius.

I'm beginning to think that I should ebay them instead.....

The Rabbit with an X for a Mouth Turns 50

Miffy turned 50 this year! I celebrated the occasion by visiting the Childhood Museum in Bethnal Green where they were having a Miffy exhibition, bulldozing the kids left, right and centre along the way..... (ONLY KIDDING. I love kids, seriously. As long as they aren't babies, dirty, crying, being annoying/irritating, have delusional parents attached to them who think they are geniuses (when all they are is just NORMAL), and as long as they aren't mine or on the same plane with me crying. I think I've covered it all. :p~)

Enid Blyton's "Indian Summer"

When the weather gets to about 22C, and the sun is shining, Londoners head down to Hyde Park to tan a nice shade of..... Lobster red. (Or "roast beef" as my other English cousin "The Accountant" would say. Come on girls, you don't fool me with your pumpkin orange fake tan in the middle of winter......)

The above pic is proof that England does get sunny weather.....sometimes. Me, the proverbial sun avoider in Australia ("I'm burning, I'm burning!") is now lapping up any oopportunity to sit in the sun (gasp). I want to go on more sunny beach holidays.... Nice little afternoon meeting my cousin again after 17 years..... So this is what Enid Blyton meant by a "warm summer's day".... (I don't believe the "they were burnt as brown as gypsies"....more like peeling.)

Closet Blonde Bags Herself a Punter

How extremely convenient it is to have an English cousin who use to work as a punter down in Cambridge, complete with private school accent.... (Read: how to become Closet Blonde's obligatory tour guide. Hey, I paid him in wine - good enough for any uni student, right? :p~)

(My "little" cousin - at 6ft 2" - unfortunately I never inherited any of the tall genes having taken after my mother's side - most of whom are taller than me anyway :/ But what my cousins and I do have in common are those prominent high cheek bones! Back in my uni days, I had some friend's ugly boyfriend tell me that I reminded him of the Queen ant in "A Bug's life".)

(Above - Me: "Erm, do you actually know what you are doing....?")

Below: The View from the River

As pretty as the river looks, I was advised by my cousin not to swim in the river - not that I wanted to, seeing that it was only about 14C! Apparently some tramps decided to bathe in the river and then died the following day. (Probably from the high concentration of rat urine. EEEEWWWW......)

Trivial Fact about Punting: You use one arm to push with the pole. So, if you punt too much, you will end up developing one - (and only one,) muscular bicep (also known as the "wanking arm" aptly named by some of my other cousins. tee hee hee....)

"Tony Perkins Moves to London"

Okay, so I wasn't supposed to take photos (as per the sign on the window), but when we walked past the store, I just couldn't resist..... "One giraffe, please....."

"On second thoughts, one turkey please...."

"On the other hand, the flamingo also looks good...."

Surrealism in Barcelona - "I HEART BARCELONA"

For those of you who know that I'm somewhat (a little?) obsessed with surrealiam and the likes of Rene Magrite and Salvador Dali; would it really be surprising that my favourite city so far is Barcelona....? Note: tapas, sunshine (yes, I've suddenly become a sunlover since living in London), Gaudi, & sangria that slides a little too easily down your throat.... What more could you ask for?

(Below: "OMG, it's 24C!!! Get out your Summer Clothes!!)

SURREAL FACTS ABOUT BARCELONA:

1) Almost everybody has a mullet - the working class, "trendy" middleclass, male, female.... (Don't ask why - they must have the same hairdresser... Probably Toni & Guy.)
2) The best tapas bars are tuck away in small little alleyways (my forte ever since dragging M. through dumpster alleyways in Melbourne,) - eg: Can Calleretes C/ Quintana - the hunt was worth while. The locals looked surprise when we walked in and we were served the best paella I've ever tasted in my life.... YUM!
3) If you search hard enough, you can dine where Picasso use to frequent.
4) The Rhetorical Question in Barcelona (after sighting kindergarten children a school trip outside the Picasso museum) is: How does a kindergarten teacher explain to little five year old Picasso's paintings involving prostitues?
5) Potata Bravas tastes different at every single tapas bar.

Gaudi the Genius
Antonio Gaudi was THE architect who made Barcelona. His buildings are just....inspirational. Many of his facades and interiors to his buildings appear to be purely for aesthetic purposes, but were actually designed for functionality, ergonomics, and to preserve and conserve energy, water and electricity. (Okay, I'll shut up now - the pictures paint a thousand words...)

Casa Batllo

(Thought the reflection of the sky added a nice surrealist touch.)

La Pedrera
Incidentally this block of apartments were my favourite. The curves of the statues on the top of the roof were made in such a way that they allowed rain water to collect into water tanks for human consumption, and also protected the building from the general weathering. The statues also served as chimneys, with the holes postioned and designed so that the smoke would blow away from city centre. Clever, huh?