Strange London Part III + Added Random Ramblings

Shake My Hand

Londoners seem to have a weak handshake which tops high on my list of "No-No's", as the first words that come into mind are "floppy" and "flaccid". ERM..... Perhaps I better not continue..... I might come home one day to find that my flat's burnt down :p. There's nothing that beats a nice firm handshake - the guys over here should be embarassed that my 11 year old size hands crushes theirs.....

More British Slang/Common Sayings
"Oh go on then."

"Innit" - (Yes, the East Londoners REALLY say "innit".)

"Diddy" means "small"/"tiny" so I suppose in British terms, P. Diddy must have a small diddy.

"I'm so shattered."

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How to Carry Out a Simple Transaction in London - Eg: Directing Mail to New Address
1) You call up your limited company to tell them you've changed address. They tell you to send a fax through with the details.

2) You call up the next day (after you've sent the fax) to double check to see if they have received your fax.
Operator : "Let us check, one moment please."
You wait about 5 minutes listening to phone music.
Operator: "We don't seem to have it. Are you sure you faxed it through?"
You arguing: "But the fax machine on my end said that it went through okay."
Operator: "Which fax number are you using?..... Oh, yes, that's the one. No, we don't seem to have it. Can you send it again?"

3) The send the fax through - AGAIN.

4) You call up after 10 minutes to check to see if they have received it.
Operator: "Erm, our fax machine has run out of paper. Can you call back in one and a half hour's time?

5) You call back 2 hours later and are asked to fax your change of address - AGAIN as they think that the fax machine has deleted your fax from memory due to being out of paper for a period of time.

6) Two weeks later, still no payslips from your limited company. You call up to see what's happened.
Operator: "Let me check your address. Is it - " (Listing your previous/old address.)
You: "NO THAT IS MY OLD ADDRESS. I'VE ALREADY FAXED THROUGH MY NEW ADDRESS - THREE TIMES."
Operator: "Oh, have you now. Erm, can you email it to me?"

7) You email your change of address - enraged.

8) Two weeks later, STILL NO payslips. You call up again.
Operator: "Are you at - " (Listing old address).
You: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Well multiply that by how many other banks, government agencies, utility companies, employment agencies etc you have to deal with and you have the story of my life.......)

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I didn't have time to change out of my uniform on friday and was catching public transport when I suddenly had a rather (terrifying) fleeting thought; what if something happened to somebody on the tube? Everybody would be pretty much pointing to me saying, "She's a nurse! She's a nurse! She'll do something". (Meanwhile I'd probably be arguing, "I'm not a nurse! Nurses wear blue whereas I'm wearing green.") I just don't have that automatic, nurturing "I want to help people" thing going inside of me. Politically incorrect but true. I think the last of it was squashed when I one time tried to be nice to some homeless dude by giving him a Marks and Spencer meal (which is the equivalent of getting something in David Jones). I had him spitting and swearing at me - as he wanted money obviously for drugs. Ever since then, I've been the whole, "我 不 知道 你 说 什么. 我 不 会 说 英汉."

It's always handy to look as though you may possibly be unable to English, and can speak enough Mandarin to sound semi-authentic to a guai loh.

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You know that you're living in a country with no sun when you
a) Look tanned when you're really not tanned. (It's just that everybody else is pastey white.)


b) When you come back from a week of sunshine and beach, your Indian friends actually start telling you that you're tanned - and you actually find yourself darker than some of them. (The Pinjabi's mainly.)

The Only Genuinely Fine Day in June..............

View from my picnic mat in Hampstead Health.