The Picture Book of Fun: Destination London.
13:53 - Cork Airport.
I'm already sending out those London vibes with my ipod and paperback in tow, when I hear the Aer Lingus announcement, "Passengers flying Aer Lingus EI 714 to London Heathrow, your boarding time has been delayed, and will be boarding at 2:40pm for a 3:00pm departure. We apologise for the delay and wish our customers a pleasant flight."
Great.
I message P to tell her that I will be arriving a little bit later.
14:45 - Still in the Departure Lounge of Cork Airport
There's another announcement from Aer Lingus. We're now not departing until 15:30.
15:42 - On the Plane, Cork Airport Runway
After what seems like an eternity of sitting on the plane with the engine running (and nothing else happening,) there's another announcement, this time from the pilot.
"I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, something's not quite right and I'm not happy to leave without having it fixed. We're going to have to get the engineers to have a look at it, and we'll probably be on the runway for another hour or so."
There's a collective sigh of frustration from everybody on board. I'm starting to think that perhaps this is Fate telling me that I'm not supposed to leave Cork. I turn on my mobile and message P something to the extent of, "im STILL on the FUCKING runway! goin 2b v late!!!! will msg u when i finally arrive!! argh..... xx"
16:30 - Take off.....Finally.....
I'm missing the free Cara inflight magazine, and I notice that there's no offer of a fresh copy from the flight attendants.
17:30 - Standing in the Baggage Collection Area of Heathrow
After the multitude of delays, I almost cannot believe that I'm actually in London. I immediately call P who tells me that she's also running late and needs half an hour to get ready, and another fortyfive minutes to get to Kilburn for pre-drinks.
"Aren't your drinks at 7:30?" I ask.
"Yeah well, anybody who knows me should know not to get to Shoreditch on time," P replies.
Given that she's in Clapham Junction, land of the pain-in-the-arse to get to with the tube and overland, I guesstimate that I will arrive in Kilburn around the same time as P from Heathrow. I start brisk walking to the tube like a true Londoner, by-passing all the confused tourists trying to figure out how to buy an oyster card.
17:41 - On the Tube, Picadilly Line
I grab a discarded London Lite and catch up on my daily London gossip.
As usual, Kate Moss is on the front cover.
17:59 - Still on the Tube
After what seems like an eternity, I look up to see which station we're at. Northfields?!?!! wtf?! Why is the tube so slow!?!! There's still like another 11 stops until Green Park!!
19:10 - FINALLY at Kilburn.....
I meet P, catch up on the gossip about the lecherous taxi driver making comments about P's body, catch a bus and then do a little bit more walking to get to J's place which is community hall turn living quarters.... The bathroom even has a "Ladies" sign. Typical strange London accommodation. We have time for....one drink, and that's about it.
I demand to P that we take a photo before we get really messy....
20:11 - Destination: Shoreditch
As the host of tonight's events is running very late, J offers to drive to Shoreditch. Score! London at 25C is much too hot for the tube. Sucks to whoever is has to change to a different tube three times (which would have been us, in a parallel world). Shoreditch is cool, but is a bitch to get to. At this point in time, I wish that I still live in Bethnal Green, which is a leisurely 5 minute cab ride away.
Sitting in a car and being driven somewhere in London city is truly a luxury. I sit at the back and enjoy the view, although P & J comment that I occasionally look anxious sitting at the back. (I can't help it, London's crazy to drive in.)
20:47 - Light Bar with Heinekens in a Bucket with Ice & Cold Water
It's Beer O'Clock time! After a lengthy wait at the bar and a mad scramble for a table, we're at Light Bar over an hour late, and still no sign of everybody else. Smart cookies.
The English drink their beers warm (ewww) so we have a wait a while for the beers to chill. Initially I had requested an ale (P, "Ale?!! Are you sure you want an ale?!!?") before realising that this....is definitely drunk warm over here.
22:07 - The Party Rocks on at Light Bar
P decides that my camera takes the best night shots, (not much of a competition given that the only other camera is hers). I am made the official events photographer which means not many photos are taken, as my camera well and truly has really bad flash burn.
After over an hour of chatting to people, I realise that my neck is hurting as I've been craning my neck for.....over the past hour. For the first time in a long time, I realise that geez, I'm short, and question why everybody at the party is a fricking Amazon. Then I realise that this is not the case. It's the English that are short (must be the water), and the Irish are also short (must be in the inbreeding).22:27 - It's a Small World even in London Town
After speaking to K for a total of about 15 minutes, we find out that we both went to the same high school..... (K was in the year below me.) Yup, it's a small world.... Even in London town. By now, I'm starving (last thing I ate was a toasted ham & cheese sandwich around 12:30pm) so I head to the bar to order food.
22:52 - At-That-Falafel-Kebab-Place-That's-Conveniently-Located-Across-From-the-Bar
The kitchen is closed at Light bar so I manage to convince K & P to go for a wander to get a kebab.
While waiting for my falafel to be made, I insist to K that we take a photo - for old times sake because we've erm, probably walked past each other in the corridor back in highschool.....
01:45 - Things Start to Get a Little Messy
After the cleavage photo (which was actually taken by me, :p) I decide that it's time to put the camera away. As an after thought, P: your cleavage is now my intellectual property :p02:07 - The Slow Meander Down to Gramaphone
The party slowly moves onto Gramaphone for some drum and bass. Iphones are whipped out (equipped with Google Map). We start heading the wrong way before somebody realises that we should be going the opposite direction.
03:31 - Messiness@Gramaphone
People are very drunk with glasses falling out of people's hands, drinks spilling everywhere. I start to worry that somebody's going to spill something on my head as I realise that I'm trapped between two swaying drunken English guys. One guy catches my eye and slurs, "You can dance better than that, darlin'," and before I can do anything (call it frozen in fear), in comes P with a drunken elbow saying, "Don't even bother, he's so not worth it." Bless.03:51 - Cab Ride Back to Woop Woop (aka Clapham South)
P's phone rings. It's A. wondering where the hell everybody is. She got talking to a "hot guy" and ended up getting left behind. Oops. We had all assumed that she had piked early and had left.
"I'm afraid everybody's gone home, sweetie," P says.
"Can you ask her where were the hot guys?" I ask. "I really didn't see any."
04:30 - Bed Time
Crashing in J's bed. It's like a typical London bedroom where there's room for a double bed.... and pretty much nothing else. J's off camping somewhere for the weekend, and I'm sure he's probably boasting about "the time when he had two girls in bed". Never mind that he wasn't there :p
0:Too Damn Early am
I wake up when the sunlight starts coming through. Obviously J's opaque, cream coloured curtains are useless.
10:00am Egg Florentines
Me & P drag ourselves to a nearby cafe for breakfast.
Sunglasses are essential at this point in time.
11:36 - Trekking back to J's Place, Community Hall
It's back to where we first started. There's hand luggage to collect, and shoes to change. We pass by this sign which seems to be in keeping with this weekend.
I feel like a pick-me-up is needed before Wireless. Feeling kind of shit.
12:34 - In J's Car Driving to the Pub in March Arch When We Spot This:
Hilarious.
14.45 At the Pub, Officially Thinking of Piking
I actually feel like throwing up. J thinks that I'm going to do it right then and there, and in great alarm, moves away in lightning speed. I really want to go to the Wireless, but I don't think I'm going to last til Basement Jaxx who are playing around 10pm.
"Wasn't it you who wanted to stay up all night last night?" P reminding me.
"Don't say that," says the boys. "Can't you see that the poor girl is suffering?"
Garr, my face is actually numb!
15:30 On the District Line, Heading Towards East Putney
My heart is at Wireless but my head is telling me that feeling sick and porta-loos aren't a great mix.
16:02 - D's Place
I arrive at D & R's place, in Easty Putney which feels like woop woop to the East Londoner in me. D's like a typical boy in a long term relationship - cleaning the house on a Saturday day. R gets me a glass of water and tells me to just sit down and relax. I must really look that bad. I start feeling my second wind, and suggest that we go down to the pub for a pint or two to enjoy the sunshine.
16:37 - Still at D's Place
Every few minutes, D looks up from his cleaning and asks R, "Now can we go to the pub?"
I get the feeling that I'm being the bad influence here.
17:11 - Heading to the Pub
Come to think of it, it is really a nice day.
17.20 - At the Pub with a Jug of Pimm's
I now realise that I'm starving, (last meal was the eggs florentine back around 10am). Food's needed to coat my stomach so I cautiously sip my Pimm's.
18:30 - Food FINALLY arrives
More than an hour later, the food finally arrives. (How long does it take to cook bloody sausages and eggs? The waitress tells us that they have a table of 50 upstairs - (oh really); somewhat hard to believe seeing that the rest of the restaurant is practically deserted. I find it difficult to eat as I now have gastric. It turns out that my dish ends up being the best, which is not saying much as R's fish & chips are oily and bland, D's bubble & squeak is just....bland. Safe to say we're never going here again.
20:15 - The Walk Back
I tell D the lame Michael Jackson jokes I've heard over the past two days.
What was Michael Jackson's last word?
"Take me to the children's ward."
Farrah Fawcett's last dying wish was for all the children in the world to be safe.
Then God came and took Michael Jackson away.
What's the difference between Disney movies & Michael Jackson?
Disney movies can still touch children.
I also do (for a nano-second,) consider pushing D into on-coming traffic when he cheekily suggests that I go out again tonight.
23:45 - Crashing on the Couch
I almost instantly fall asleep when my head touches the pillow, and I only briefly wake up when R comes down the stairs around 5am to head to work.
10:00am - Del Aziz
I get greedy and order carrot cake after breakfast.....and get served a brick. This is hand carried back to the Republic of Ireland where it takes me another three days to finish.
Thus ends the story of Play Time. After three days of fun, one can always expect to struggle on Monday with a brain that feels like it's filled with cotton wool.
THE END
