WANTED: Illegal Alien in Ireland

WANTED: ASIAN GIRL BY THE NAME OF CLOSETBLONDE

Height: Approximately 5 ft 1"
Weight: 7 stones 2 (fluctuates depending on the number of potatoes she's fed)
Hair Colour: Black (NOT ginger)
Eyes: Dark Brown
Complexion: Olive/Yellow (aka "Indian" in comparison)
Off Duty Attire: Frequently has "insects" (aka butterflies) or feathered fascinators in her hair
Last Seen: Boarding a plane somewhere....

If Ireland was your human relation, he'd be your cousin Seamus, twice removed; the one whom you rarely see, and don't really know, because he's out in the country on a farm somewhere. You know that he drives tractors in his free time, and is easy going, good natured, and just that little bit slow......

"Shame," you say. "Must be the water."

Well, the Irish when it comes to applying for visas are just that - slooow.... After many months of pre-warning that I have to leave the country by mid July, HR decide to start applying for my new visa a little shy of four weeks to the time I'm due to be kicked out of the country. Three weeks later, still no visa, and I have a slight panic at work when I realise that:

1) I have to technically leave next week.
2) I am supposed to be moving house next week.
3) I'd be kicked out of the country while my manager is off on annual leave.
4) I'm going off to London on the weekend and may have some trouble getting back into the country, as I am returning very close to my visa expiry date.

AAARGH...........

I call HR who casually tells me, "Well I guess you'd just have to go back to Australia."

AAAAAARGH...............

I call my local garda (involved in immigration) and find out that the guy is off sick, and will be for a while. Then I call another garda station just to get some general advice, and when I ask whether I need to leave the country, the fellow's answer was,
"Naut atall, just stay on, you'll be grand, but don't be leaving the country until you get your visa."

Only in Ireland would the police tell you to continue to stay (technically illegally) in the country, and to keep quiet about it.

In the UK, there'd be hell to pay. God bless the laid back, rural Irish :)