The Polyester Party People

OMG - I opened my free London newspaper to find this:

Let me explain: These two polyestered (dirty) old men are partners in crime -
MO: Festival hopping in their leisure suits. ("Leisure Suit Larry's" are out of the retirement village and out for the day.....)

What they are REALLY trying to do: Using their cheesy 70's get-up as an excuse to dirty dance (and dry hump) whoever is silly enough to comply. (Believe me, there are plenty of girls on the lower IQ scale.)

When Last Seen: loveboxweekender (aka Groove Armada)

"So What's the Connection, Closetblonde?"
Funnily enough, would you believe that my cousin and I were at loveboxweekender and saw these guys dancing at the front of the stage?

"Ew," we said. And then the next thing I knew, F. was screaming her head off and running away - naturally, I was a tad slow on the uptake and only realised why she was running away when I was faced with a face full of gyrating polyster. (At least F. didn't try to use me as a human shield like somebody else once did.) The next few minutes was something out of a slapstick comedy - us running around in a circle shrieking, with polyestered men gyrating their hips chasing us. (The strategic thing for them to do would have been for one to chase us in an anticlockwise direction, and the other to go in a counter clockwise direction. Luckily they didn't think of that, huh.)

So why didn't I mention this in my Groove Armada post?
Let's just say I've had worse happen to me at a festival..... Besides, this is pretty much a standard occurence :p

Soap Box Entry no QpN30M

A True Urban Myth: Pregnancy is like a contagious virus - you can become pregnant if you sit on the same chair as somebody else who is pregnant. (I'm a health professional so therefore I must be correct :p)

It is better to assume that somebody is fat (and say nothing) than to think they are pregnant (when they're not,) and end up saying something. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between "fat" and "pregnant" - I one time worked with somebody and didn't realise that they were pregnant until they announced that they were leaving and were all of a sudden receiving baby things. (Oops.)

I hate to spoil it for you kids, but I'm afraid that stork story isn't true - everybody knows that babies are found in the cabbage patch :p

Park Session No. 4WF93

OMG, IT WAS ACTUALLY GENIUNELY SUNNY!!!!!!! (Okay, I've officially been in the UK for too long.....) Today was 28C and yesterday was 26C - very hot in English terms, and I spent this weekend frolicking in various parks (in various states of being "undress" :p).

(Above: Me & C.)

Park Attire: As London is nowhere near the beach, the English go the park and usually strip down to their bikinis (or underwear). The extremely risque strip down to nothing (and are usually the ones that really shouldn't.)

(Above: The Isle of Glaring White - ("My eyes, my eyes, they burn!") - why do the British even attempt to try and tan when all they do is go from white to red and then to peeling and then to white again, I don't know..... Skin cancer pple!)

Tourist Trap: Apparently for an unbeatable view of the London skyline, the place to be is Primrose Hill..... (See below.)

Verdict: 3/10 (It would have been 2/10 if it weren't for the glorious weather.) I do agree with the guide books that it is an unbeatable view of London city, but I think the point that has been missed is that London is an ugly looking city.....

(Above: The little doors at the Prince Albert. Yes, even I had to stoop down..... I bet every drunk English person has conked their head while trying to get through drunk.)

More of Soggy England (and other "Stuff")

I did also go to Oxford, Bath, Bristol and the Stonehenge back in June/early July, but the weather was so soggy and unappealing that I didn't really feel like posting the photos on my blog. Well here are some of them anyway.....

(Above: The Eagle and Child - the favourite watering hole of Tolkien and C. S. Lewis. They use meet at the pub to have a pint or two, and engage in their literary musings. Naturally, I did no such thing apart from chow down a hearty pub meal.) The English have a penchant for calling their pubs "something-head" as in:

• Nag's Head
• Stag's Head
• Queen's Head
• King's Head

The only one I haven't seen is "Dick Head". Obviously no Richard owned a pub or was slaughtered for it when the huns came through :p

(Above: Christchurch University)

Stonehenge (aka total rip off). We refused to pay £6.50 to enter the gates - ("£6.50? That's like a pub meal!"). The privilege of paying £6.50 meant that you were just on the other side of the fence with the exact same view as what you see in this picture. (You can't go up close to it so we didn't see the point.)

Instead, I got a nice American tourist to take this photo for me :) And then we rang back to the car because it was raining.....

Bath:

(Above: The Baths in Bath - an unappealing green due to the lead content...)


(Above: Pirate luggage... What little pirates take on holiday..... AARRRGH.)

Totally off topic, one crappy (and ugly) friend's boyfriend once told me that i had cheekbones like the Queen ant in a Bug's Life - as in:

Charming. (At least he didn't say that my ass looked like that. His definitely did. Fond memories of him sitting on my beanbag and then bursting it.....And he didn't even offer to buy me a replacement!)