"Fabric is the New Ambar"

London's music scene is so fantastic that I cannot even begin to describe it in words. (Even the "no name" djs are of extremely high calibre.....) Every weekend is like a big event which makes me wonder what the big events are like.... Conveniently, Fabric is only one bus ride away for me (and is coincidentally the same night bus I need to take home. Not that it mattered this time around seeing that we only took the bus back when the normal bus started working again.... Tee hee hee.....)

Here's a taste of a "usual" night out:
(Note that I almost hyperventilated when looking at the list...) DJ Hyper, Stanton Warriors, Soul of Man, Pendulum and Goldie played on Fri night just to name a few..... Andy C played the weekend before. (And yes, Pendulum played the exactly same set as per usual..... BOOOOO...... Refused to see them and went to watch Soul of Man instead.)

Another London observation: Guys over here are extremely aggressive, quite arrogant and cannot take "no" for an answer. Had one guy chase me all over Fabric - (quite a feat seeing that the club is so damn big) - even after our conversation of:

Annoying Guy: "Can I be extremely honest with you?"

Me (wearily): "Only if I can be blatantly honest with you."

Annoying Guy: "I really fancy you."

Me: "AAAAARRGH!!! I'M NOT INTERESTED!!!"

Annoying Guy (getting REALLY angry): "WHAT?!!!!? HOW CAN YOU NOT FANCY ME?!!"

Annoying guy (literally) uses his index finger to draw an outline around his face in the air.

Annoying guy: "Look at the face!! How can you say that I'm not good looking!!!!!"

Me (mumbling something incoherently while scrambling away): "Erm....."

(I would have deflated his over-inflated ego by telling him that he was ugly then and there, but I think he was about to punched me in the face....)

Meanwhile the guy's friend was trying to drag him away (to save him from further embarrassment, but he just wouldn't listen...).

Note that excuses such as:
1) I have an (imaginery) boyfriend
2) I am (pretending) I'm married
3) My husband has anger management problems and is on parole for beating up guys who try to pick me up

just doesn't work..... The guys just seem to go, "Well, you're husband/boyfriend isn't here so it doesn't matter." (I suppose if the outright "no" doesn't work, nothing will.....) Would have tried the "I'm gay" excuse, but I think that would have just turned him on even more....

It's probably worth mentioning that this is not an isolated incident. It's been confirmed by other people that the English guys over here are extremely.....persistent. Just had R come into the cafe telling me that some guy won't stop following her on the street...... ("When can I see you?! Why can't I have your number?!") According to this Irish guy I was speaking to on Friday night, apparently the English women like that sort of thing?! Eek.

London Lingo and other (generalised) cultural observations + “God-TV”

When people complain, they don’t “whine”, they “moan” (usually in relation to some “twat”).

People in the UK are “archaic” and proud of the fact that they only got pin numbers for their ATM cards last year.

“Brilliant”, “smashing”, (and I’m just waiting for the “eh, ol’ chap”).

Sarcasm is such common place in day to day conversation that it is sometimes difficult to tell when people are being serious, and when people are joking. (I learnt the hard way. Had one person mention after a string of sarcastic comments that he organised to have some special cable in his house set up so he could watch “God TV”. I sniggered, thinking he was joking, and ended up getting a HUGE lecture. Oopsy.)

Hmm, I wonder what God TV is like………

It’s Official: Closetblonde is a Weakling

In case you haven’t realised, I could never be a true backpacker – unless I had a Sherpa to carry all my stuff, that is. I struggled with my backpack, luggage and hand carry up and down stairs in the underground. One guy (in the tube) sized up my luggage, looked me up and down and then smirked. Bastard. (At least I wasn’t the one walking around carrying a “murse” – ie: man purse for those of you not in the know……) Luckily, I had my “Sherpa” (ie: R) meet me at the tube station who (thank God) visits the gym and helped me with most of my lugguage. (R: “What do you mean this is heavy…?”) The underground is seriously a “cardio + stair master workout”. Escalators go on forever that it’s like going to another country.

In preference to my “Mistaken Identity” post – my first comment from the first Londoner who spoke to me was the currency exchange guy who said, “Oh, I thought you were Japanese,” (after handing him Australian dollars). *Sigh*

“I thought this was a whore house…”

….”and then realised it was a clothing store.” (Well, what do they expect if they have no sign apart from an ominous looking number on the door…..?) Welcome to Haji Lane where the local fashion industry has flourished in recent years. Local designer stores are naturally located in “too cool to be found” locations - reminiscent of Melbourne where fabulous drinking holes usually involves weaving in and out of a maze of alleyways and dumpsters.

My favourite store (Hoisty Toity) is the resident to three tom cats (ie: orange J) who peered out from beneath the clothes racks etc. (They had pastel green collars complete with little bells – tee hee hee…..)

“Human Traffic”

Don’t mess with Singaporeans as when they go shopping, they go shopping….. (This is a typical Sunday afternoon.)

"The Adventurous Diner"

What Asian food looks like in pictorial form:

For instance:

Kitty's Night Out in Town

Sadly, the "in" place to go is still exactly the same place I went to when I was 18.

The vibe: "It's so dark that I can't tell whether you are a guy or a girl." (Definitely more dangerous than the "beer goggle" effect.)
The booze: Jugs of green tea and whiskey - (not nearly as disgusting as it sounds - it was actually really nice as a matter of fact).
Line of the night: "WHAT?!?!! TWELVE DOLLARS FOR A STANDARD DRINK?!!!! WTF?!!!" (Comment from a friend who couldn't quite get over the price of drinks after spending a year in Chicago, where drinks are poured so strong that they may as well give you the whole bottle of spirits in a brown paper bag.)
The music: A Japanese dj spun tech house. According to a friend of a friend of a friend, they have a monthly dnb/breaks gig. She professed to be a big breaks fan but lost all credibility when she proclaimed dj Shadow to be her favourite breaks dj....
The Models looked like.....guys, and no guys tried to pick up the models because they were all significantly shorter than the models. (Ie: nobody was Tom Cruise.)
"What is that sound....?": Every so often, there was a "blizzard" on the dance floor - think open walk in freezer effect plus huge gale wind/fan shrieking (yes, shrieking) down upon everyone. The skinnier girls (ie: 50% of the population who are thinner than me) would have blown away if weren't for being weighed down by their shoes.

"I Wanna Be 23 so I Can......"

I walked past a sex store today which had a sign stating no smoking, no drinking..... and you also had to be 23 or above. As you are considered of legal age at 18 in Singapore - (ie: the age where you can drive, drink alcohol and enter nightclubs), I naturally had to go in and enquire what had made them decide on 23..... (It's a totally arbitrary number if you ask me......)

The sales girl looked blankly at me and deflected my question to the manager, and his lame-o response was,

"I dunno.... I wanted to make it 25 but then I decided on 23....."

The real question is, can they actually police this if by law you are an adult at 18? (And more to the point, what is the secondary function of the Hello Kitties in that store....? Note that this a rhetorical question - I know some of you may be gagging to leave a clever, smart arsed comment.)