Pay Close Attention:

This is the mug shot of the girl who punched you in the face.

Place of Assault: Some shit club (probably called O-Something or Murphy's), playing shit music.

Time of Assault: Sometime after the cover of "Sweet Home Alabama" was played for the fourth time. (But then who's counting after the tenth pint of Murphy's?)

What happened next: Gardi search for the "short Chinese girl" in the local Chinese restaurant. (That's where all Asian people work, of course.)

Postscript:
The "DJ" armed with Sennheiser headphones and Mac was undoubtedly playing Solitaire. He seemed pretty into it but I don't see how given that he wasn't mixing and just playing one track after another. On the upside, at least he wasn't playing the cover of "Sweet Home Alabama" followed by cheesy top 40 trance anthem followed by Galway Girl. All in all, I'm sad to say that Crane Lane's music with it's "DJ" or cover bands is probably the best that Cork City has to offer.

I am going to wash my coat as some girl apparently vomited in close proximity to where all the coats were hanging. She obviously wasn't having any sex that night.

Pick-up line of the night: "Have you met my friend Tom?"
Me: "I dunno, do I really want to?"
And then the guy laughed, so fair play to him.

Short Irish guy number #98L23 tried to get me to go home with him. He had the lamest moves so I said no. Then he asked for a goodnight kiss - and I said no. Then he asked for my phone number - and I said no. All in all, a better compromise than punching him in the nose.