"Tube Lines have Personalities Too"

"Please find the gap between the train and the platform"

District and Circle Lines (Green & Yellow)

Personality Traits: Extremely slow with long pauses at many of the stations. The District line literally stops prior to stopping at a platform and will sit there for a good 3 to 4 minutes. The Circle line has long pauses (of up to 5 minutes) sitting at any one station. Both are known to be generally “down” during the weekend for engineering works and also run the risk of totally not working at least 2-3 times a week. People seem to think the District is the slowest. The most strategic move is not ensure that you’re not living in a place where you have to rely on solely the district, circle or hammersmith and city line with absolutely no bus alternative (as you will seriously be fucked….).

Jubilee Line (Purple)

Personality Traits: Won the award for the most reliable line with the least breakdowns/disruptions. (Mainly because it’s also the newest line, having been built in 1978.) Note that this line generally does not get you anywhere of great importance and even if you did take this line, you’d probable need to transfer to some of the other lines at some point in time in order to get to places. Note that winning an award does not guarantee immunity from breakdowns either.

Central Line (Red)

Personality Traits: Seems to stop working first thing on a Monday morning on a fairly regular basis, usually coinciding with bus strikes….. Outer realms (ie: zone 3 & 4 areas) tend to stop working for engineering works during the weekends.

Hammersmith and City (Pink)

Always “down” on the weekend. When it moves, it sort of groans and creaks, and moves really, really, REALLY slowly.

Piccadilly Line (Blue)

This is the line that gets you to Heathrow airport. It is more reliable than the Circle and District line, but again, it’s usually “down” on weekends – usually right at the end at zone 6 – ie: the part that takes you to Heathrow, making travel on weekends difficult.

Northern Line (Black)

Stops at stations with funny names belonging to something out of Thomas the Tank Engine such as Tooting Bec (“Toot, toot!!”), and Tooting Broadway (did I already say, “Toot toot!”….?). Also known as the “dodgy” line as per the Armadale line back in Perth – particularly around Elephant and Castle end…… The regulars refer to this line "fondly" as the "misery line" in reference to the number of times it breaks down...